This is such a powerful concept! I can’t stress it enough.
Dr. John Gottman (one of the top marriage researchers in the US) has found that happily married couples maintain at LEAST a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.
This ratio is a good benchmark for ALL relationships. It’s best to get rid of the negative as much as possible, and even go for a 10:1 ratio. But for a relationship that has developed negative patterns, 5:1 is more doable at first, and easier to keep track of.
So, for the rest of the week, with this MORE LOVE CHALLENGE, notice any negative interactions, and “sandwich” them with at least 5 positive ones.
How can you fill your relationship with more positive? Here are a few suggestions:
1. Start out the day with a hug and loving words
2. Give as many sincere compliments as you can
3. Express gratitude for all helpful behavior
4. All week Valentine’s texts and notes
5. Midday phone calls to connect and ask about their day
6. Before you criticize, nag or complain, ask “is it necessary or helpful?” If not, bite your tongue
7. Put down your phone and BE with them
8. Ask questions about their interests & listen with your eyes
9. End the day with a hug and loving words
As you continue with Challenge #1 (pray for more love for them), you can also pray and ask God specifically what you could do to make things more positive.
It’s incredible how much your relationship can improve with these small changes in YOU.
Have fun! And we’ll be back again tomorrow for Challenge #3.
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