Even the BEST marriages [and relationships] have conflict.…HOW THEY RESOLVE IT is what really matters.
Conflict is inevitable. Two different people will likely have different opinions, preferences, backgrounds, tendencies, habits, strengths, weaknesses, etc.
DIFFERENCES don’t mean the relationship is bad. In fact, they are there to help us ENRICH, COMPLIMENT, and COMPLETE each other.
But…in order for us to appreciate each other’s differences, we need to learn how to work through conflict in a way that strengthens the relationship.
Dr. John Gottman has conducted over 40 years of rigorous research on married couples. He’s done questionnaires, interviews, observations in overnight labs, physical tests, longitudinal studies, etc. With all his findings, he claims he can predict with 94% accuracy whether a couple will stay married. Crazy, huh?! Makes you wonder what he found, right?
His studies have yielded VERY SPECIFIC answers about how happily married couples deal with conflict.
They:
• Resolve conflict in GENTLE, POSITIVE WAYS
• REPAIR NEGATIVE INTERACTIONS during an argument
• PROCESS negative emotions FULLY
These findings give us insights into how to repair conflict between ANY relationship, not just marriage.
For the next 3 days, I will focus on each one of these.
What do they mean? How do they look? How can you begin to improve your conflict patterns to create more harmony and love?
This is good stuff. Every relationship needs these reminders. I’ve known them for years, but just the other day, the reminder of these principles helped me handle a moment of conflict with a child in a much more positive way.
Consider and observe how you and your family members resolve conflict. Then join me the next few days, as we learn together.
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