The other night we were playing a game as a family, and a young member of my team was about to foolishly make a move that would cost the entire game. I couldn’t sit back and let her do it! I dropped my poker face and gave a huge hint for her. Of course, the other team accused us of cheating 😬. But I just couldn’t sit back and watch her do it!!
I know this was just a game, but it made me think. As parents, it’s hard to honor our child’s agency, especially when their choices will lead to negative outcomes.
Agency is an essential element in God’s plan. We fought valiantly for it in the War in Heaven. We read “…the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself” (2 Nephi 2:16). No wonder our children come to earth with an innate NEED “to act” and not “to be acted upon” (v. 14).
Have you noticed how children display the need for agency even as young toddlers? And it becomes even more pronounced as they get older.
But that doesn’t mean that parents are meant to sit back and allow their children to do whatever they want, in the name of agency.
2 Nephi 2 teaches us the OTHER important elements that go along with agency: LAWS with CONSEQUENCES attached for obedience and disobedience, and an UNDERSTANDING of those laws and consequences.
As parents, our job is to provide clear guidelines/rules, and help them understand the consequences to the choices they have before them.
Elder Bednar has taught that “Agency is to be used in choosing the right” (Bednar, Rick’s College devotional, Sept. 1997). Ultimately, the purpose for God giving us agency was to allow us to choose Him, and His plan. We need to help our children understand that.
So, if a child is making poor decisions, we could ask ourselves, “what does this child not understand? What could we teach him/her? Do they understand the rules, and why we have them? Do they understand the consequences? And have I been consistent in enforcing the consequences?”
And remember, sometimes they just need to experience the consequences in order to learn.
Okay, now that we’ve got that figured out, let’s go conquer the world! 👊🏻😊
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