“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of…repentance, [and] forgiveness” (Family Proclamation, 1995).
Like rocks bumping around in a tumbler to become polished and smooth, we are imperfect people placed into families where we can “bump” into each other day after day, to eventually become polished. But the process can be painful.
God foresaw this. He knew that Satan, “the father of contention” would stir “up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another” (3 Nephi 12:29). This is one of his attacks on families. And we witness it all too much in our homes.
Jesus taught that “such things should be done away” (3 Nephi 12:30), and He commanded us to “forgive all men” (D&C 64:10).
Isn’t it surprising how Nephi could “frankly forgive” his brothers after they tried to kill him? “Frankly” means “open, honest, direct”. So he must have TOLD them that he forgave them, and it must have been SINCERE.
And then there was Lehi—he was so tender and sweet with Sariah when she was complaining and mourning the loss of their sons in the wilderness. Those were probably some very trying days for them. Lehi could have complained that she wasn’t being a supportive wife; they could have become very divided over this. Instead, he comforted her and spoke words of hope.
It’s easy to read about these interactions and just assume that Nephi and Lehi were exceptionally good people, so forgiveness probably just came easily for them.
But they were human, and prone to “natural man” tendencies, just like us. It’s much more realistic to recognize that Nephi and Lehi must have received power BEYOND their own to be so forgiving in these stories.
God has it in Him to forgive us. He’s not just able to--It’s WHO He IS. “God himself atoneth for the sins of the world, to bring about the plan of mercy” (Alma 42:15). Jesus Christ paid for the sins of the world, making it possible for Heavenly Father to forgive us perfectly. Completely. That is their gift to us.
And when we don’t have it IN US to completely forgive someone else, God can PUT IT in us. That is His gift of GRACE. Just like charity, that we are told we can pray for and He will grant it to us (Moroni 7:48), God can put HIS forgiveness into our heart.
In our Church, we sing the words to a hymn “When your heart was full of anger, did you think to pray? Did you plead for grace my brother, that you might forgive another, who had crossed your way?”
One Sunday my heart was full of anger from an interaction the evening before. As I began singing this song with our congregation, my eyes filled with tears at the realization that I could ask God for help. I offered a silent plea. Surprisingly—and instantaneously—my heart was completely changed. I had been granted a forgiving heart.
I realize it can take time for full forgiveness to come. Especially when offenses are heavy and long-lasting. So we keep praying for that gift, and praying for our “enemies” (Matthew 5:44), trusting that God will one day heal our hearts. No mountain is too big for God to move.
Think about your own family. Where would your family be without forgiveness? And is there a need for forgiveness between you and a certain family member?
Sometimes we tell ourselves that we’ve forgiven someone, but we continue to hold a small grudge—even unknowingly. We think negatively about them or withhold love.
In marriages, when spouses don’t completely forgive each other, it can be like a stone added to a pile between them. One offense after another piles up, and before long, the couple has a wall of division; they no longer feel “in love” or as “one”. The mountain of rocks can begin to feel too big to move.
Satan wants that division. He knows that “marriage is…essential to [God’s] eternal plan.” He knows that we can progress in our marriages in a way that he NEVER will. So he will try to stop us, any way he can. He tempts us through pride to focus on the mistakes of the other person, instead of our own. Elder Oaks taught, “Don’t treasure up past wrongs, reprocessing them again and again. In a marriage relationship, festering is destructive; forgiving is divine” (Oaks, Divorce, April 2007).
Forgiveness is divine. And God can grant us His divine power to forgive others. Over and over again. Just as He forgives us, over and over again.
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